Are you dating a control freak?
- Does your partner’s behavior make you feel guilty, like you’ve done something wrong, when you haven’t done anything wrong?
- Does he text or call you frequently throughout the day to monitor your whereabouts and activities?
- Does he regularly question you about where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing?
- Does he tell you he needs to know where you are every minute because he’s worried about your safety? Is your safety and well-being a common thread in this type of conversation? (Don’t miss this clue: it’s not about your safety. It’s about control.)
- Does he have a habit of just showing-up where you are, unexpectedly?
- Does he have his own expectations about your behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or controlled even when you’re not together?
- Do you feel anxious about seeing him again after you’ve gone out with your friends or maybe even a member of your family?
- Do you find yourself needing to choose sides when it comes to people you are close to? Are you pushed to pick sides? It’s either him, or them?
- Does he have a habit of suggesting that you may not be telling him everything?
- Does he mention that you don’t need anyone else in your lives (referring to your friends and family) and that you can make it on your own just fine without them.
- Do you find yourself questioning your own, otherwise normal behavior, and making excuses for his?
- Are you hearing negative feedback from several of your friends and family about your relationship with him? Do people who love and care about you tell you they have real concerns? (You would be wise to listen to them. Why aren’t you listening to them?)
Enough already! If you can answer yes to one or more of these questions… here’s my advice:
Get out now. You are in a controlling, manipulative relationship.
If you see the above pattern in your relationship, don’t avoid this reality and shut down the truth. Don’t allow yourself to drift into confusion or be deceived. Be honest with yourself, open your eyes and see what’s really going on.
It’s normal to have fears surrounding uncertainty, but it shouldn’t stop you from doing what you need to do. Making wise decisions is the only way to peace of mind and a successful happy life. A controlling relationship will never go that way. You might say, but sometimes things are really good, it’s not like this all the time. And besides—I love him.
It’s not enough. It never will be. You deserve better than this.
There’s no excuse you can come up with that will make it worth dating a controlling guy, let-alone marrying him. Nothing is worth doing that.
If you have any fears at all, it should be a fear of staying in this relationship. I’m all-in with you on that one.
Pull yourself together girlfriend.
Smarten up. Get out. Just do it. Your mind will clear and you will be able to move ahead with your life in a healthy way. Life is good. Never settle.
It’s your life —make it good.
If you need help with this or something else you’re trying to figure out —let’s talk.
Sherry Van Dolder